Opening Up—a Bat Mitzvah at 76

By Temple Member Meta Pasternak

In 1966, my fiancé and I were fortunate to find a Rabbi in Stockton, California who was willing to marry us. My husband was Jewish; I was not. The Rabbi asked if I intended to convert and my answer was, “Not at this time.” He accepted that. It was important to my husband that our children be raised as Jews, and I didn’t feel that my own Lutheran background was something I needed to pass on.

Our sons had their Bar Mitzvahs in Sacramento at Temple B’nai Israel and our daughter in Lafayette at Temple Isaiah. The Rabbis’ sermons interested and enlightened me. What is our purpose here? How do we relate to the stories in the Torah? How can we make a difference in this world? The services were filled with beautiful music, but as much as I loved going to services, I just wasn’t ready to commit to any religion.

After my husband died in 2010, I decided to move to San Francisco where my children and grandchildren lived. My son Jeremy and daughter-in-law Karen belonged to Temple Emanu-El. I picked up my granddaughter, Abby, from school and dropped her off at Hebrew School. It was beginning to dawn on me that I missed services. I wanted to join the Temple. I happened to be taking a class at the Fromm Institute from Rabbi Pearce. I told him my story and he encouraged me to contact Emanu-El’s former Membership Director Terry Kraus. Although I was not Jewish, she allowed me to join along with my daughter who lives in the same building I do. Then I took a Jewish literature class from Rabbi Carla Fenves, who had been the Rabbi for my granddaughter’s Bat Mitzvah. In the final class, Rabbi Fenves asked the participants what it meant to them to be Jewish. One woman talked about the emphasis on Tikkun Olam, making the world a better place. This was the religion I wanted to be part of. It wasn’t merely the beautiful services or music, or even the sermons; it was what is inherent in Judaism that drew me. Why it took me so long to realize that, I’m not sure.

Rabbi Fenves led me through the process and at age 73, I had a Mikvah. Rabbi Bauer was one of the Beit Din that interviewed me, and I still remember his perceptive and thoughtful questions. Going to services began to feel more meaningful, but I really wanted to be part of the services by knowing what I was singing and learning the reasons behind the rituals. I joined the Anshei Mitzvah class in 2018 and in January of 2020, at age 76, I had a Bat Mitzvah. During that time, I practiced my Hebrew with my grandson, Sam, who was studying for his Bar Mitzvah. My daughter, Emmy, gave me constant support and encouragement. And finally, the day came. Reciting my Torah portion, walking up to the Ark, being so close to the exquisite ancient Torah, reciting the prayers, chanting the blessing before the Haftarah, and being with my classmates made it one of the most memorable experiences of my life. My classmates were wonderful adults; all there for different reasons, but with the same goal. These are people whom I am now pleased to call my friends. Cantor Attie and Cantor Luck led us through the two-year process with kindness and grace.

Even during the pandemic, the Temple has been an important part of my life. I am a tutor through the Jewish Coalition for Literacy, a connection made through the Temple when I met Randi Fields, Senior Director of Membership and Engagement Operations. Being able to continue tutoring online with former tutees from the local public school kept me sane at a time when I could only see my grandchildren outside at a distance of six feet. I became a B’Bayit leader and met other congregants interested in tutoring. I look forward to the time I will meet them in person. This fall, I attended Kol Nidre services in person and later that month, my husband’s Yahrzeit service. I am grateful that 55 years ago he introduced me to Judaism, and that, when I was ready, Temple Emanu-El welcomed me in.